Get Happiness: Be Yourself
In this 2nd article in the “Get Happiness” series, we will examine what it means to look after your own happiness first. So let’s look at how happy people focus on their own well-being first and foremost and how they get happiness.
- Happy People do things because they want to do them, not because they believe they have to do them. In fact, they’ve eliminated the words ‘must’, ‘should’ and ‘’ought’ from their vocabulary and have replaced it with the word ‘WANT’. Everything they do to get happiness has become a personal decision followed by deliberate action. If they are doing something, going somewhere, participating in something, it’s because that is exactly what they want to do. What’s more, they have also eliminated the idea of prohibition – the ‘must nots’, ‘should nots’ and ‘ought nots’ from their lives. They do what they believe is right and don’t feel the need to ask for permission — they just do it because they believe it to be fair and just.
- Happy People love their friends but don’t rely on them to get happiness. Friends may be supportive but they are their own people. They have their own wants and needs and their own lens through which they see the world. Without trying to be mean, your friends can’t help but put themselves ahead of you and your goals. It’s great to have very close friends but be sure to keep your independence around them. Often, it’s over-reliance on others or a loss of independence that begins to ruin friendships and breaks your own wellbeing. The people that love you, and whom you love, will understand the idea of ‘space’ between you. You will stay bonded and get happiness by a mutual gravitation towards each other, not by being welded with unbreakable ties. It’s a case of gentle ‘pull’ forces, rather than strong ‘push’ forces that will keep you happy together.
- Happy people are content with people as they are, without trying to change them. They learn how to deal with others appropriately and accept them as is. Devoting your time and energy to changing others is a waste of both time and energy. If they’re not ‘perfect’, that’s just how it is; you can learn to be happy with their reality, rather than strive to achieve your idealized version of them. People will and do change but only of their own accord. They have to decide to change themselves and that only happens in a timeframe that suits them. Remember, it’s the gravitational pull of your own happiness that brings these people close to you. They will naturally adapt and fit into you, rather than being moulded by you. Learn to deal with people as they are in order to get happiness with them. If they can’t, then let them go.
- Happy people live by their own standards and see no reason to judge others. They choose to see the best in people and to celebrate their positive contributions. You won’t hear a happy person insulting friends behind their backs, participating in gossip about fellow co-workers or lashing out at folks with different opinions. There’s simply no need. Happiness makes happy people be who they are in themselves without the need to compare themselves to others. So set your intentions in a happy place and live your life according to your good intentions. You will get happiness in your own right without penalizing others to get there.
- Finally, happy people don’t make excuses… not for themselves, for situations nor for others. They take ownership of their thoughts, feelings and actions and recognise that things are how they are, simply because that’s how they have worked out. If you’re late for an appointment, there’s no point in blaming traffic, or other people. Yes, sure, you could have left more time to get there, but you didn’t. You misjudged it and you’ll learn better the next time. But remember, happy people don’t set out with bad intentions in the first place; they did NOT intend to be late out of spite or malice. It just is as it is. When a happy person screws up, they are big enough to accept that “It just wasn’t good enough” then they make the commitment of time and effort to keep on improving until they are good enough. Once again it’s all about the right intentions and living in them: make a good intention, plan how you’ll achieve and do your best to make it happen. If it doesn’t quite work, learn from it and set the intention to do better.
So, are you ready to be yourself and get happiness? Start with these three actions right now: